Mistakes Make Mistakes
I like to keep bonsai trees. I like to feed, shape, and trim the growth on them. It helps me to relax and feel a sense of connection to plants and the 4 elements. It is the same reason I love to garden. I have noticed something about myself when I work with the bonsai trees lately. My fear of making mistakes.
“Did I clip too much? Did I ruin it? Will it grow back? What if the clipping becomes infected and kills the tree? What if I’m not good at this?”
These are all critical thoughts that come up. When we stick to thoughts like these we may become overwhelmed. We may quit doing what we enjoy for fear that we are not good enough. We may become overwhelmed by guilt from our mistakes, no matter how small.
“ I should have known better! Why did I do that! That was so stupid! I’ve ruined it! People are going to think I’m terrible!”
Repeated thoughts like this can become sticky when we are not paying attention. When we sit zazen we are paying attention and we let the thoughts come and go. We do not let ourselves tell these kinds of stories about our actions. The thought or feeling comes in, we notice it, and we let it go by, without pushing or pulling it around. The suffering that comes from these critical thoughts come from dualistic thinking. Shakyamuni Buddha’s way is to transcend dualistic thinking and to practice the middle path. When we practice the middle path we don’t have to be perfect because the idea of perfection is dualistic in its nature. Dualism pits us against something “outside” of us. When we see ourselves as separate from the people, objects, and phenomena in our lives we create a sense of “me”. This “me” keeps us from being one with our lives. There is no “me” to be imperfect because “me” is a collection of causes, conditions, and experiences that are embodied in this present moment. “Mistake” is a practice in life. We do our best, we learn, we grow, and we use the mistakes to make the suffering a little less in the world. Shunryu Suzuki Roshi said, “…to shine one corner of the world–that is enough. Not the whole world. Just make it clear where you are.” This has a major effect on everything. No matter what others say, we keep trying to clean up one corner of the world. No matter what story we may tell ourselves, we keep trying to clean up one corner of the world.
“This is too hard, I’m not making any progress. I made a huge mistake, I’m terrible”
We just keep trying to clean up one corner of the world.
Namu kie butsu- one with Buddha
Namu kie ho- one with dharma
Namu kie so- one with sangha
This tree is teaching me a lot. -gassho