Prayer, Kukai, & Soto Zen

Many years ago I had a falling out with Soto Zen here in the states. I had dreamed of becoming a Soto Zen priest for most of my life and had made many sacrifices to try and achieve this goal. Yet, shukke tokudo, the home leaving ordination always was just out of reach. Here in the United States, most Soto Zen ordinations require many prerequisites that are not able to be fulfilled by a large majority of priest candidates, certainly younger candidates at least. I was required to be debt free, which I must ask, how many young people are debt free? So, student loans mean I was already disqualified. When living in the monastery, I would have had to pay a monthly rent that was beyond my financial means, and because the schedule requirements, I would not have been allowed to have a job while in residence, so how was I going to pay rent at the monastery? Often the prerequisites centered around me having a background that just wasn’t going to allow me to become ordained.

Had I been born to a higher income family from a different background, one that could afford me the time and money to pursue what the institution was requiring of a priest, these prerequisites wouldn’t have been an issue and tokudo would have followed. My spirit and dedication to the practice were never the issue. I understand the need to cover the cost of residents is real and the necessity that each candidate for shukke tokudo be tested, that the dedication to the vocation and training be evident in the student, but for the life of me I couldn’t understand why I, as a young person, was being held to a different standard for shukke tokudo than the teachers were when they ordained. Sure, you could take Jukai, receive and maintain the precepts, but Tokudo? Do you have college debt? Can you live here in the monastery paying rent and not work at a job? No. Debt free was never an issue before, nor was being in university, or working in a position to maintain family obligations. Its not like we are Therevada monks. Because of the pain caused by this idealism of the Zen priestly life I eventually removed myself from the centers I was participating in.

I always maintained the Butsudan in my home, maybe chanted a sutra, often offered incense, but I was sad. I wanted so much to devote my life to the practice of Dharma and work to maintain the traditions and practices of a Soto Zen priest, but where there is a will there is a way just wasn’t working. This path of the priest was not open to a person of my background, as it was for the previous generations here in the States. So, I left. Eventually I stumbled upon Shingon Buddhism. It was a breath of fresh air that allowed me to practice the dharma, grow, and be of service to the community around me. Many things were given to me and so much teaching was offered, which is interesting because Shingon Buddhism is an esoteric practice unlike the Soto Zen exoteric practice.

After a few years of Shingon practice I traveled to Japan. While there I stayed at Koyasan, the head monastery complex for Koyasan Shingonshu Buddhism. I walked through the temples and sacred sites. I went to the Koyasan Family Mart convenience store and bought a Hanya Shingyo heart sutra tenugui for washing and carried it around for weeks during my trip. My wife and I did Jukai, taking the precepts with a great priest of Koyasan in a very moving ceremony. One particular day, I walked through Okunoin, the cemetery that is one of the many sites Koyasan is famous for. This cemetery allows one in death to be placed near the mausoleum of Kobo Daishi Kukai, the founder of Koyasan Shingon in Japan. Kukai is a famous icon of Buddhism in Japan and people all over travel to practice, pray, meditate, and do pilgrimage to Koyasan. While walking through Okunoin I stopped at the bridge before Kobo Daishi’s mausoleum where Kukai is in eternal meditation, placed my hands in gassho, and bowed deeply. I crossed this bridge where no cameras, or recording is allowed and made my way into Kobo Daishi’s hall. After offering incense, and candles I bowed in gassho, and picked up a pen and paper that were sitting out at the altar and wrote a prayer to Kobo Daishi, as many do.

I prayed that I would become a priest. I prayed to find a teacher that would do the shukke tokudo for me, regardless of my background, or financial circumstances. I prayed that I could become a priest to embody my vow to save numberless beings, end inexhaustible delusions, enter boundless dharma gates, and attain the unsurpassable Buddha way. I bowed deeply and dropped my prayer in with all the others. EXACTLY one year later, I was ordained by my teacher that I had met when I returned from Japan. I was ordained a Sotoshu priest at my temples 60th anniversary ceremony. It is also interesting to note that my teacher’s temple in Japan was a Shingon temple for hundreds of years before it was a Soto Zen temple. Every morning the Yakushi Nyorai Shingon (mantra) is recited along with the Soto sutras. The temple has been charged with the power of the mantras and dharani of hundreds of years of Shingon practice by the devoted. I truly believe that Kobo Daishi Kukai helped me on my path to becoming a priest.

I know that many in “Modern Buddhism” don’t believe in this type of view. There is no help from a spirit to alleviate the suffering of living beings, or help with their dreams and hopes. I believe that, and I believe that Kobo Daishi helped me to become a priest. There is always a call and response, as it states in the lotus sutra Kanzeon Bosatsu Fumonbonge, when we call on Kanzeon, Kanzeon helps to alleviate our suffering. So, why can’t Kobo Daishi Kukai?

Namu kie butsu

Namu kie ho

Namu kie so